The Real Me

          Brokenness & Transparency. Before I came to Gardner-Webb, these were just words to me. But the people I've met and the things I've experienced this year have given new life and meaning to these words. This year has been a tremendous learning and growing process in my walk with Christ, and most of the lessons I've learned can be traced back to these two words. Tonight, I felt as if the lesson finally came full circle. God opened my eyes and made these words real to me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was real with God. I didn't pretend to be someone I wasn't and I didn't try to impress Him. I simply humbled myself before Him. I opened myself up to Him. I was honest with Him. I surrendered myself to Him. And as a result I felt like my prayer life was given new life. I simply had an honest conversation with God, and it was the closest I've felt to Him in a long time. I may be four years old in Christ, but I felt like I didn't take my first real steps as a Christian until tonight. There's a song by Josh Wilson that says, "I don't want to say another empty prayer." That is my prayer. There is no point in praying a "pretty" prayer to a God who knows all your dirty secrets. Those are just empty words. You can't conceal the truth from an all-knowing God. Be transparent. If you are angry, yell at Him. If you are hurt, cry to Him. If you are broken, let it show. There is so much beauty in our brokenness. God knows our true inner darkness- and He loves us anyway! This is a poem called "The Real Me" that I wrote in August 2007. It seemed relevant to the situation so I thought I would share.

No one knows the real me.

No one that is, except for me.

No one understands what I feel inside.

No one cares about the pain hold inside.

No one listens to my cries from deep within.

No one can see through my mask, to the real me which dwells within.

Wait…

Someone is calling out my name. Someone is pulling off the veil.

My prayers have been answered. The wait is over.

Now I know One who knows the real me – He loves me anyway!

Now I know One who understands what I feel inside – He listens!

Now I know One who cares about the pain I hold inside – He offers healing!

Now I know One who hears my cries from deep within – He gives me comfort!

Now I know the One who can see through my mask, to the real me that dwells within.

Sweetly Broken

"There is nothing more beautiful than to be broken in the arms of the Savior."

          

          I am blessed to be a part of a FOCUS group at school and we have the privilege of going to minister to different youth groups in the area. Being a part of this group has been such an amazing experience. This past weekend in particular was an exceptionally amazing experience. The way God pieced everything together so perfectly was absolutely beautiful. I've never experienced anything like it. The whole weekend was one big "God moment" and His presence was undeniable.

          The youth group we were working with was not your average church youth group. They were not brought up in church. They were there because they wanted to be, not because their parents dragged them. The youth pastor picked them up for church and took them home afterwards. They didn't conform to the "stained glass masquerade" and they didn't wear a "church mask" to cover anything up. They were not religious; they were just real. They held nothing back, never pretended to be something they weren't, and they didn't let their diversity cause divisions. Their youth pastor accepted them as they were and did not judge them. He proved himself trustworthy and dependable. He befriended them just as Jesus would have, and he never gave up on them. As a result, they kept coming back. Church for them was not a place to fake who they really were or pretend that life was good when it really wasn't. Church for them was a place where they could be real about their problems; they could seek answers, and find comfort.
          The theme for the week was "Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?" In other words, are you changing the world or are you letting the world change you? The key verse was Daniel 3:16-18 which is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. It is a very familiar passage of scripture. These three men are thrown into the blazing furnace because they refused to bow to a graven image. The furnace was seven times hotter than usual, so hot that the men who threw them in were killed by the flames. But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego escaped unharmed - and a fourth person was even found walking in the flames with them! It is powerful story of God's deliverance when you stand up for your faith and endure persecution. However, for the lesson Saturday night we chose to focus more on verse 18 in which they declare that they will still praise God even if He doesn't deliver them from the flames. After the lesson, God showed up and left us all in awe.

          Picture with me a church basement, splatter painted walls, and a room full of mismatched couches. If you look out the window you see that a storm is raging. You can even hear the rolling thunder and flashes of lightening outside. But in this room you can also hear the hearts of God's children singing, "I'll praise you in this storm!" When the music ceases, the Spirit of God takes control. Suddenly, the walls are being torn down and these young people begin to tell their stories. Pain. Heartache. Sorrow. Abuse. Struggles. Brokenness. They begin to ask the tough questions... Why, God? They are crying out. They are seeking answers. My heart is breaking for them, but God slowly opens my eyes to the beauty of their brokenness. They don't even realize it yet, but they are in the arms of the Savior. I no longer see a room full of broken people; instead I see powerful testimonies in the making. We may not be able to save them from their pain, but we can point them to the One who can. We plant the seeds, and God brings it to fruition.
          The sin of this world may lead to pain and suffering, but God finds purpose in our pain. I can't even begin to imagine the plan God has in store for this group of young people. Their struggles have only made them stronger and there is no doubt in my mind that one day they will take hold of the promises of God and recognize Him for His goodness. I believe that one day I will sit around the throne of God and listen to them share their stories of deliverance. I will watch the crowns come rolling in as God rewards them for their patience, perseverance, and obedience of His will. Then I'll watch them turn around and cast those crowns back at the feet of Jesus and worship Him for His goodness and provision in their lives. Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

What is my life?

What is my life, God?

You’ve given me a vision,

But what if tomorrow never comes?

What is my vision then?

This life is nothing but a vapor in the wind, a passing breeze.

Here today, and gone tomorrow.

I look to the future with hopeful eyes,

But I don’t even know the purpose of my next breath.

Why am I here, God? What is my purpose?

When tomorrow isn’t promised there is only one way to live -

One day at a time, seizing every moment,

Capturing every memory, and enjoying every step.

We aren't here by chance or medical mystery,

Only by Grace and the mystery of Your perfect will.

What is Your will for me, God? What is my life?

I'm searching for answers amidst the chaos and confusion;

I'm searching for more of You in a world that only wants less.

My greatest desire is to be used by You and for Your glory.

I offer myself as an empty vessel, a willing sacrifice.

May I live to serve You and die to give You praise.

Your vision for me was not given in vain;

You find purpose even in the midst of our pain.

Whether or not this vision ever comes to pass,

Whether or not tomorrow ever arrives -

I will continue to run the race,

I will press on towards the prize,

And I will fight a good fight.

You've whispered Your wisdom to my heart,

And I'm seeing more clearly the plan You have prepared.

Each day holds a specific purpose,

Small pieces to a much bigger picture.

I'm finding that the journey is just as important as the final destination.
Hold my hand and guide my steps, Lord.
Lead me closer to You.

Each step is one step closer to a future that only You can see.

What is my life, God?

My life is not mine at all, but Yours alone.
My only purpose is to follow, wherever You lead.

Holy Spirit, Rain Down!

     I heard a message the other day that compared the Holy Spirit to rain and/or water. The preacher took several different biblical stories in which water was involved and replaced it with the Holy Spirit. In one example he said that the the mother of Moses had to place her faith in the Holy Spirit (Nile River) to protect her son and keep him safe from harm. The Holy Spirit/River not only protected her son, but also sent him directly to the King's Palace. It was a very powerful comparison. I had never really considered the concept before, but the more I thought about it the more it made perfect sense.
     I haven't been able to get the idea off my mind since then. In fact, my mind went all the way back to Genesis. In the beginning, there was no need for rain. God allowed water to bubble up from the center of the earth to water the ground (Genesis 2:5-6). It wasn't until sin entered the picture that rain began to fall from the sky. The first time God "opened the windows of heaven" was when He sent the flood. We should live our lives so that God's Spirit bubbles up from within us, but when we let sin get in the way God has to send His Spirit down in the form of rain in order to get our attention. I took two years of AP English in high school, and one of the most important things we ever learned was symbolism. In literature, it is a well-known fact that rain is symbolic of cleansing, renewal, and restoration. God sent the flood to cleanse the evil of that day and create a new beginning. It is for that same reason that He sends rain into our lives as well. We need to stop recognizing rain as "punishment" and start seeing it for what is truly is - the Holy Spirit of God working in our lives.
     God's Spirit convicts our heart and chastises us when we need correction because God is just and jealous for us. But He also loves us unconditionally, and He will wrap us in His arms and protect us just as He did with baby Moses on the Nile River. It may be rainy and bleak in your spiritual life right now, but remember that the Holy Spirit is guiding us to King's Palace and after every storm comes a rainbow. Just as He allowed Moses to part the Red Sea, the Holy Spirit can make a way when there seems to be no way.
    Take time today and thank God for the rain He has sent your way, because the absence of rain is called a drought. If you’re in a spiritual drought it is because you have yet to welcome the Holy Spirit into your life. Without His presence in your life you will forever be in thirst of the Living Water and you will never truly reap the fruits of the Spirit. Acts 2:17 says that in the final days God will pour out His Spirit, so give Him praise for the rain in your life! If you are experiencing a drought, then welcome the Holy Spirit into your life before it's too late and ask Him to rain down in all that you say and do.



“No eye has seen, no ear has heard. No mind can know what God has in store. So open up Heaven and open it wide, over your church and over our lives. Let Your power fall, let Your voice be heard. Come and change our hearts as we stand on Your Word. Holy Spirit, rain down!”

–Hillsong United

***

“Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You - Jesus, bring the rain!”

–Mercy Me

Preparation of Peace

"Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established."

-Proverbs 4:26



     I usually walk with my head down. It's not because I'm purposely avoiding people, and I'm not sad or depressed. I'm just clumsy. Seriously. My past experiences have taught me that I tend to trip when I get confident and start looking around while I'm walking. Up the stairs. Down the stars. Cracks in the sidewalk. Bumps in the road. It happens. But, if I keep my head down I can see what's ahead of me. I know where I'm going and I know what stumbling blocks to avoid. Life is the same way.
     I've been studying the Armor of God recently, and it says to have your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. If you took out the word "preparation" the verse would still make sense, but it's there for a reason. The word "preparation" is especially important because following Christ is not a peaceful journey. There are moments of peace along the way, but mostly you're just preparing for the peace that comes when you reach your final destination. It's a learning process. There are bumps in the road. You will fall down a few times, but there is a purpose in it all. God is preparing you for something greater than yourself. He is taking you somewhere, and He wants to grow you along the way. He wants to teach you, so let Him.
     Study His Word. Talk to Him daily. Let Him talk to you, and listen to what He has to say. Before long you will learn how to avoid the potholes. In time, you will even begin to develop a vision of the road ahead. You will have a better understanding of where you're going and how you're going to get there. Eventually, you won't have to always walk with your head down. You'll be strong enough in your faith, confident enough in your God, that you will be able to lift up your head from time to time and look around without stumbling. Don't get me wrong, there will still come times when the bumps catch you by surprise. You may even fall flat on your face a time or two. But God is standing close by, and He's always ready and willing to pick you up.
     Don't live your life in a constant search for peace. It will never come, and you'll always end up disappointed. Life isn't about finding peace; it's about preparing for peace. Ultimate peace only comes when this life is over. Until then, enjoy the journey. Let the road reveal itself to you. Let God pick you up when you fall. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It's all worth it in the end... an ETERNITY of peace awaits you!

Unworthy to Serve. Unworthy to Worship.

          As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently began reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love and I have been fascinated by it thus far. What I love about Chan's writing is that he presents the gospel from a different perspective. Having grown up in church my whole life, it is refreshing to hear something I've never heard before. It keeps me on my toes, and it keeps me intrigued.          
          This week God has blessed me in truly overwhelming ways, and I felt unworthy. I didn't feel unworthy in an "I've been too bad to deserve this" kind of way, but rather a "Who am I to deserve this?" kind of way. It was in that moment of overwhelming unworthiness and awe of God that I begin to read Chapter Six of Crazy Love. The whole chapter was very powerful and thought-provoking, but there was one part in particular that really stood out to me. It said, "Right now a hundred million angels are praising God's name; He certainly doesn't need to beg or plead with us. We should be the ones begging to worship in His presence." I was amazed at the power and truth in that statement. Many times we consider worship to be something we owe to God. The truth is we don't owe Him anything. He is the creator of all things, the rocks will cry out to Him if we don't. He doesn't need our praise, but He wants it. It is God's desire to see and hear our worship, my worship. He is surrounded by the worship of a hundred million angels right now, but He wants me. Who am I to bow down at His feet? Who am I to even enter into His presence?
          I'm taking an Introduction to New Testament course right now and I learned something the other day that really spoke to my heart about how truly unworthy I am. If you've ever noticed some biblical translations spell Yahweh with no vowels, YHWH. I learned that Jews spelled the name of God like this so that they would not be able to pronounce it. They felt as if they were too unworthy to speak the name of God. Even today, some Jews write the name of God with a dash where the "o" should be. They don't even feel worthy to write it. I am grateful Christ's death and resurrection tore the veil, giving us the ability to have a personal relationship with God. I'm grateful that I am able to speak the name of God and communicate with Him personally. But at the same time it is great to be reminded of how unworthy we truly are. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the reverence of God so that we can truly humble ourselves before Him.

         

"God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things."

-Acts 17:24-25

          God doesn't need our service, but He wants it. He doesn't need our worship, but He desires it. And above all else, He is worthy of it. Let us humble ourselves before the Almighty God today and give Him all that He deserves. Let us lift unworthy hands in His presence. Let us reach out unworthy hands to help those in need. The God of this universe loves us beyond our understanding, and He wants to use us. Though we are unworthy, He has a purpose that He wants to fulfill through us.

Best Kept Secret

          The title of this blog comes from a song by Skillet. The chorus says, "You're the best kept secret of my generation, the best kept secret of all time. Your the best kept secret of my generation, and I found you out." It's a fun, upbeat song, and it's easy to just shout out the lyrics without really taking in the meaning. But how true is that chorus?! People have kept the light of Jesus hidden under a bushel for years, but on September 23rd 2006 God shined His light down on me. I didn't have to find Him out... He found me out! Of all the millions of people in this world - God chose me. Of all countries full of poverty, famine, and disease - God chose to place me in the USA. Of all the different religions and beliefs - God chose to place me in  a Christian family. Of all the spiritually dead, "religious" churches - God chose to place me at a church of believers who stand on the Word of God. Of all the places I could have been on a Saturday night - God chose to place me at that lock-in with my youth group. God chose me... It still amazes me when I think about it, so how is it possible for me to take it for granted so easily and so often?
          It's easy to read the Old Testament sometimes and criticize the Israelites for turning their back on God and worshipping other idols. But how are we any different? God has led us through wilderness, guiding us every step of the way. He has clothed us when we were naked, fed us when we were hungry, and given us water when we were thirsty. He has delievered us from our enemies, and allowed us to cross on dry ground. We are no different than the children of Israel, as a matter of fact, we are the children of Israel. God is leading us to our Promised Land. Our leader, Jesus Christ, is in the dwelling place of God. And rather than do His will until He returns, we have turned to false idols instead. I imagine one day soon God will command Jesus, just as He commanded Moses in Exodus 32, "Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves."
          What is the purpose in letting history repeat itself? God called us to be different, set apart. He has given us a work to do until He returns. He called us to serve, to be His hands and feet. He told us to go into the highways and hedges and compel all to come in. He comissioned us to go and teach all nations. But despite all that He has brought us through, we still remain silent. The words to Barlowgirl's song "Keep Quiet" suit this situation perfectly, "All the things I've sacrificed, so that I could bring You to this world. I want them to see You in me, but Your name just keeps them far from me. So I'll keep quiet, let's hope they see I'm different. Jesus, Jesus why's Your name offensive? Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us? When all of the hope of the world's in Your name, why are we so scared to say, oh Jesus... I'm sorry I cared about my name more than Yours. I'm so sorry, how could I hide You anymore? If I keep quiet they'll never see I'm different."
          Let's not keep quiet about our faith anymore. Let's not keep the saving power of Jesus Christ a secret anymore. Let's not keep Him hidden under a bushel anymore. Let's show the world that we're different... Let's let His light shine!