Brokenness & Transparency. Before I came to Gardner-Webb, these were just words to me. But the people I've met and the things I've experienced this year have given new life and meaning to these words. This year has been a tremendous learning and growing process in my walk with Christ, and most of the lessons I've learned can be traced back to these two words. Tonight, I felt as if the lesson finally came full circle. God opened my eyes and made these words real to me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was real with God. I didn't pretend to be someone I wasn't and I didn't try to impress Him. I simply humbled myself before Him. I opened myself up to Him. I was honest with Him. I surrendered myself to Him. And as a result I felt like my prayer life was given new life. I simply had an honest conversation with God, and it was the closest I've felt to Him in a long time. I may be four years old in Christ, but I felt like I didn't take my first real steps as a Christian until tonight. There's a song by Josh Wilson that says, "I don't want to say another empty prayer." That is my prayer. There is no point in praying a "pretty" prayer to a God who knows all your dirty secrets. Those are just empty words. You can't conceal the truth from an all-knowing God. Be transparent. If you are angry, yell at Him. If you are hurt, cry to Him. If you are broken, let it show. There is so much beauty in our brokenness. God knows our true inner darkness- and He loves us anyway! This is a poem called "The Real Me" that I wrote in August 2007. It seemed relevant to the situation so I thought I would share.
No one knows the real me.
No one that is, except for me.
No one understands what I feel inside.
No one cares about the pain hold inside.
No one listens to my cries from deep within.
No one can see through my mask, to the real me which dwells within.
Wait…
Someone is calling out my name. Someone is pulling off the veil.
My prayers have been answered. The wait is over.
Now I know One who knows the real me – He loves me anyway!
Now I know One who understands what I feel inside – He listens!
Now I know One who cares about the pain I hold inside – He offers healing!
Now I know One who hears my cries from deep within – He gives me comfort!
Now I know the One who can see through my mask, to the real me that dwells within.
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