Retrospect

In retrospect, I see more clearly. 

I see the straight path beyond the curve.

I see the sun beyond the clouds.

I see the light just past the tunnel.

I see the lessons learned in valleys deep.

A new perspective.

A different view.

In retrospect, I see more clearly.

In retrospect, I understand.

The temporary darkness.

The momentary pain.

The highs and lows.

The twists and turns.

One day you will see where it all leads.

One day you will see where He's been leading you.

In retrospect, you'll see more clearly.

In retrospect, you'll understand.

God has never left your side.

He will never let you down.

He's been working on your behalf all along.

He is bigger than our failures.

He is better than our mistakes.

He can take the wrongs and make it right.

He can transform the bad into the good.

Even our sinfulness reveals His glory.

Even our shame brings praise to His name.

In retrospect, we'll see more clearly.

In retrospect, we'll understand.

His mercy and grace.

His love and compassion.

I recognize it better because of the struggle.

I appreciate it more because if the storm.

In retrospect, I see more clearly.

In retrospect, I understand.

Don't give up.

Don't give in.

Don't lose sight of hope.

Keep watch for what is yet to come.

Keep your faith in His trustworthy hand.

God is not done with you yet - 

Your day of retrospect is just around the bend.

                                     

Worth It All

          The end of my senior year of college is quickly approaching, and with that I’m beginning to question whether or not my degree is worth all of the money I have put into it and all of the debt I have accumulated. If you ask anyone close to me to describe me in 10 words or less, I can pretty much guarantee you one of those words will be frugal. I hate spending money on useless and trivial things, because I can think of so many better ways to spend money on things that matter. My college education is my one and only splurge, and it is a big one. I did not have to go to a private liberal arts university, but I knew the first moment I stepped foot on this campus that this is where I was supposed to be. I had enough scholarships and grants to handle most of the tuition, so I stepped out in faith God would provide the rest. The second year I lost my North Carolina need-based scholarships. The third year I lost my Federal grants. The payments have literally doubled every year I have been here. It is my senior year now, and all I have left are my academic scholarships and my loans. I do not know how it happened, but God has provided every step of the way. The problem I am seeing now is that there is not a lot you can do with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology that you can’t do with a high school diploma. In order to really get anywhere in the field of Psychology, you need a Master’s degree. All along, my plan has been to do online graduate work, get a Master’s degree in Christian Counseling, and become a licensed Counselor. Unfortunately, graduate school costs money too. I really don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it all again, and I don’t want to keep adding more debt to my debt that is already piling up. Therefore, graduate school is quickly fading from my list of options – at least for now. I’m okay with that though, because I had been questioning whether or not counseling was the right choice for me or not anyway. However, without pursuing a graduate degree, is my undergraduate degree worth it? The frugalness inside of me cringes at the thought of having wasted all of this money on a degree that will not be of much use to me in the future. Part of me wishes I had done things differently. Maybe done my general education through a community college and transferred to GWU? Maybe taken summer classes and crammed the maximum number of courses into each semester so I could have graduated early? But if I had made those decisions, how much would I have missed out on? I would have missed out on everything that made me fall in love with this school to begin with. The people I have met, the experiences I have had, and the things I have learned during my time here at Gardner-Webb have forever shaped me, forever changed me, and made me into the person I am today. I am not the same person I was when I first stepped foot on this campus nearly four years ago. Who knows what would have changed if I had done anything differently? Who knows who I would be, or where I would be right now if I had made the slightest change? God’s plan is perfect and He is in control. I received assurance of this the other night as I was reading in Mark 14:3-9 about the woman who anointed Jesus with precious perfume. The Bible says that she broke it and poured it out over Him. One of those at the table was indignant and said “Why waste such expensive perfume? It could have been sold for a year’s wages.” As the scripture continues, Jesus defends the woman’s actions and says that wherever the Good News is preached, her actions will be remembered and discussed. After reading this passage, God immediately laid a single thought on my heart: It is worth it all when we waste all we have on Jesus! Maybe I did waste a lot of money on a degree that will be of little use to me, but one thing is for sure - it was money wasted for the glory of God! At this moment in my life, I can honestly say that I am closer to Christ than I have ever been in my life. I may be in debt for the rest of my life, but one day I will reap a blessing that money cannot buy when I see my Jesus face to face - and it will be worth it all.

Break me apart and pour me out for Your Kingdom’s sake, Father. I waste all I have on You and for Your glory. You alone are worthy. You have been teaching me, and growing me, and strengthening me these last few years. You have been instilling in me all that is needed for me to be the person You created me to be. Don’t let it be in vain, Lord. Use me. I offer myself as a willing vessel for You to use and work through. Let my words and actions bring You praise and draw others closer to You. That is my desire, Lord. All I am and all I have… I waste it all on You, Lord! You are worth it all.

In His Hands

          God just showed me something in the Gospel of Mark that was too good not to share. I've read the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 thousands of times before, and I've heard it preached just as many times, but I've never seen it in the way that God showed it to me tonight. First of all, the story begins in Mark 6:30-34. In this passage we learn that Jesus was tired and hungry. He just wanted to go off to a quiet spot and rest for a while with His disciples, but when He saw the 5000 people standing on the other side of the shore waiting on Him, He had compassion on them. A few verses earlier, in verses 1-6, we learned that Jesus had been in Nazareth where He couldn't teach or do any miracles because the people there didn't believe Him. But in this passage Jesus comes in contact with people who are spiritually hungry, and even though He is tired and hungry Himself, He doesn't turn them away. Jesus begins teaching them many different things, and later (v. 35-36) the disciples tell Jesus that He needs to send the people away so they can find their own food, but Jesus says no. When you trust Christ, and when you're earnestly seeking Him, HE WON'T SEND YOU AWAY HUNGRY! Jesus left Nazareth because the people weren't hungry, but He stayed with the 5000 until they were all filled! Whatever your need, God will provide. Just believe. He'll make a way where there seems to be no way.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." 

~ Matthew 5:6 ~

          It doesn't end there. It gets even better. Jesus took what little amount of food the disciples had (5 loaves and 2 fish), and He looked up toward Heaven and blessed it. Next, the disciples began distributing the food. Every other time I've read or heard this message, I've always imagined the disciples walking around with individual baskets passing out the food, and the food miraculously kept appearing in the baskets. But according to scripture, that's not what happened. According to scripture, Jesus was the one holding the food! Verse 41 says that Jesus broke the bread into pieces, and He kept giving the bread to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people. Jesus was the source of supply, and the disciples were just passing out what He offered them. When you put all you have in the hands of Jesus, THE BLESSING NEVER ENDS! As long as the bread stayed in the hands of Jesus, there was an endless supply! 

"Cast all your cares upon the Lord, for He cares for you."

~ 1 Peter 5:7 ~

"But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus."

~ Phillipians 4:19 ~

We're Not So Different

          This week I've been reading about some of the Old Testament prophets like Amos, Joel, and Obadiah. The information I've found has fascinated me. I read that Amos lived in the same time as Hosea, Isaiah, and Jonah. Amos and Hosea worked together and traveled around preaching together. After Amos passed away, Hosea continued preaching, and Isaiah and Micah followed in their footsteps. It's possible that Isaiah and Micah may have even heard Amos preach when they were younger. This amazed me, because so often we imagine the people of the Bible as existing in this far off world completely separate from the world we live in. We never picture them as living their daily lives and interacting with one another. Instead, we imagine them to be these big "Holier than Thou" superhero Christians who we can't even compare ourselves too. What I read about these prophets showed me that we're not so different from them after all. The church is still the church, and God is still God - the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. These people may have lived in a different day and age than us, but they were still people going about their daily lives. They were people just like us, who devoted their lives to serving God and proclaiming His Word. Have you ever considered that the Amos, Hosea, and Isaiah's of the Old Testament are the Peter, Paul, and Timothy's of the New Testament and the Billy Graham, Rick Warren, and Steven Furtick's of our generation? Instead of viewing Martin Luther King Jr. as a historical figure, have you ever considered him to be a modern day prophet? Think about it... He was a Christian preacher who stood before crowds of people quoting scripture (In fact, he even quoted Amos 5:24 in his famous "I Have a Dream" speech), prophesying that he had seen the promised land of justice and racial equality, and eventually he was killed because of the stand he took. To this day he is still quoted and looked to as an influential leader despite the fact that, like the prophet Moses, he never actually got to step foot into the promised land. Consider Billy Graham, a contemporary of MLK, they even stood in the pulpit together. Have you ever considered him to be an apostle who preached to crowds of people and drew them to Christ, just as the apostle Paul did? Of course there are many other famous pastors besides these names I've mentioned, but all of these names are well-known. Not only do their sermons attract crowds of people, and countless lives have come to know Christ through them, but they also write words that encourage the church and seek to nourish spiritual growth - just as the men of the Bible did. If cameras existed in Biblical times, I imagine those "multitudes" Peter and Paul preached to would look something like this...

After all, they were just men of God proclaiming the Gospel to crowds of people, right?

          You see, we're not so different from the early church after all. The Bible is just as applicable today as it was back then. We need to start listening to and heeding the words of those (both past and present) whom God has called and sent to prophesy and share His Word. We need to get to work putting our faith into action and sharing the words we've been given ourselves. 

          So the next time you read the Bible, don't read it like it's a story about superhero's living in some far off distant land. Read it like you're there, in the midst of the struggle. Listen to the words and follow their direction, because you're not so different after all. The people who penned down those words were real people with real struggles, just like me and you. They lived ordinary daily lives, but they did extraordinary things because they trusted God. You can do the same. There's a reason the Word of God has endured for so many years - It's because it is just as applicable today as it was back then, and the words are just as true as they ever were. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is doing the same work in hearts today that He was back then. He can change you and use you, just like he did with the prophets, disciples, and apostles back then. God's work is not done yet. Keep trusting, and keep following His Word. 

What are we waiting for?

I've heard the phrase "Wait on the Lord" countless times before, but I'm beginning to question what exactly we're waiting for. I mean, the Lord is already here! He is alive and well. His body is in Heaven with the Father, but His Spirit dwells within us. Have we forgotten? I imagine us praying and talking about waiting on God - all the while He's pounding on the doors and windows of our hearts saying, "Here I am, I'm right here - let me out!" With the Holy Spirit living inside of us, we have power. He desires for us to use this power to draw others to Him, that's why He gave it to us. So why do we keep it locked away, hidden in the depths of our hearts. It's a free gift that we walk around bragging about having, yet we've never actually opened it up and used it for its designated purpose. It is the healing power of the body and spirit that we've been praying for - We're praying for something we already have! So many times we blame God. We pray for things and question why our prayers are never answered. It's because we're praying prayers that God already answered 2000 years ago when Jesus Christ arose from the grave. When He ascended to Heaven, He said that the Holy Spirit would be even greater than having His physical body here to walk and talk with. Why? Because the very same power of Jesus Christ - the power that healed the blind and brought the dead back to life - would dwell in our hearts at all times. It's a never ending fountain of water, a constant supply of nourishment, at our fingertips any time of the day or night. We are never without strength or comfort when the Holy Spirit is near. So why do we still worry and fear? Why do we proclaim to be weak when the Holy Spirit dwells within us? Our flesh is weak, yes. But our hearts are strong because of the Holy Spirit of the almighty God.  We should boast in our weaknesses and declare His strength. With His power, we can do all things. We are stronger than our sins. We are stronger than our sicknesses. We are stronger than death. Don't let the Holy Spirit go to waste. Don't live a defeated life. We have won! Live in joy. Live in victory. Let the Holy Spirit flow freely out of you - don't keep Him pushed away in the depths of your heart, hidden from the world. He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we could ever think, ask, or imagine. Let Him work through you. We are the body of Christ on this earth. We are to be his hands, his feet, and his voice until He comes again. Let us do His will. Let us be transparent vessels of the Holy Spirit - not so that we can be seen, but so that the strength and power of God would be seen and magnified. He alone is worthy. May the world see, hear, and feel his love and mercy, grace and compassion, peace and joy, healing and comfort. May they see and know Him through the things I say and do, and the way I live my life. I want to be an instrument of the Holy Spirit. I want to be a vessel for Him to use and work through. I boast in my weaknesses, because He uses the foolish things to confound the wise. Holy Spirit, I pray that You rain down over our lives. Flood our hearts with your goodness until it overflows into our words and actions. Use us, Lord. We offer ourselves as willing vessels for you to use and work through. Move in our hearts and lives like never before. We need You, the world needs You. My prayer is that they see You through us. Let Your kingdom come. Let Your will be done.

Better

You know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

The person I hide,

The person I really am.
The sins I conceal,
And all of my shame.
My past, My future,
The life I'm living now.
You know every twist and turn,
And what's coming around the bend.
You know why things happen the way they do,
And the reason for every stumble and fall.
You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

From my deepest darkest thoughts,

To the dreams of who I want to be.
My history, and all of my memories -
Though fading from my mind,
Are crystal clear in your eyes,
Because You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

You know my innermost parts, my innermost thoughts.

You knit me together, stitch by stitch, in my mother's womb.
You know the hairs on my head, and every defining feature of me.
You know every thought that's ever crossed my mind,
Every heartache, headache, and hurt I've ever endured.
You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

God, when I'm lost in all this mystery,

In all the chaos and confusion.
When I don't what to do or where to turn,
Will You remind me that you know me better?
You know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

When I want things to change,

When I'm tired of the way things are.
When I don't understand why I am where I am,
When I'm worried about the future I can't see,
Will You remind me that You are in control -
Because you know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

I don't know what's best for me,

I don't know what I need,
But I know I need You.
I know that You are better,
And I put my trust in You,
Because you know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.