Retrospect

In retrospect, I see more clearly. 

I see the straight path beyond the curve.

I see the sun beyond the clouds.

I see the light just past the tunnel.

I see the lessons learned in valleys deep.

A new perspective.

A different view.

In retrospect, I see more clearly.

In retrospect, I understand.

The temporary darkness.

The momentary pain.

The highs and lows.

The twists and turns.

One day you will see where it all leads.

One day you will see where He's been leading you.

In retrospect, you'll see more clearly.

In retrospect, you'll understand.

God has never left your side.

He will never let you down.

He's been working on your behalf all along.

He is bigger than our failures.

He is better than our mistakes.

He can take the wrongs and make it right.

He can transform the bad into the good.

Even our sinfulness reveals His glory.

Even our shame brings praise to His name.

In retrospect, we'll see more clearly.

In retrospect, we'll understand.

His mercy and grace.

His love and compassion.

I recognize it better because of the struggle.

I appreciate it more because if the storm.

In retrospect, I see more clearly.

In retrospect, I understand.

Don't give up.

Don't give in.

Don't lose sight of hope.

Keep watch for what is yet to come.

Keep your faith in His trustworthy hand.

God is not done with you yet - 

Your day of retrospect is just around the bend.

                                     

Better

You know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

The person I hide,

The person I really am.
The sins I conceal,
And all of my shame.
My past, My future,
The life I'm living now.
You know every twist and turn,
And what's coming around the bend.
You know why things happen the way they do,
And the reason for every stumble and fall.
You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

From my deepest darkest thoughts,

To the dreams of who I want to be.
My history, and all of my memories -
Though fading from my mind,
Are crystal clear in your eyes,
Because You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

You know my innermost parts, my innermost thoughts.

You knit me together, stitch by stitch, in my mother's womb.
You know the hairs on my head, and every defining feature of me.
You know every thought that's ever crossed my mind,
Every heartache, headache, and hurt I've ever endured.
You know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

God, when I'm lost in all this mystery,

In all the chaos and confusion.
When I don't what to do or where to turn,
Will You remind me that you know me better?
You know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

When I want things to change,

When I'm tired of the way things are.
When I don't understand why I am where I am,
When I'm worried about the future I can't see,
Will You remind me that You are in control -
Because you know me better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

I don't know what's best for me,

I don't know what I need,
But I know I need You.
I know that You are better,
And I put my trust in You,
Because you know me better -
Better than I know myself,
Better than anyone else ever could.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Love was the Reason)

My Savior, My God, in human form.

I'm drowning.

Consumed by Your love.

Overwhelmed by Your grace

Captivated by the mystery of Your mercy.

Enraptured by the purpose of Your divine plan.

What is the purpose of Your plan?

My Savior, My God, in human form.

You became humanity.

You lived and You died.

You loved and You lost.

Anger and Anguish, Joy and Sorrow.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

What was the purpose of Your humanity?

I'm drowning in the tears You cried for me.

You wept in Your grief.

You grieved because I wept.

God, I'm grieved because You wept.

I'm unworthy of Your tears.

Father, why do You care?

Why did You love me when I caused You pain?

I'm drowning in the sweat You poured for me.

Overwhelming stress filled Your soul.

Stress caused by my overwhelming sin.

Heavy burdens and stress I couldn't carry.

Stress so severe it turned Your sweat drops to blood.

Father, why would You carry a load that wasn't Yours to bear?

Why did You carry me when my sins weighed You down?

I'm drowning in the blood You shed for me.

They whipped You, because You came to heal my wounds.

They cursed You, because You came to set me free.

They mocked You, because You came to redeem my life.

They ripped Your flesh, but I broke Your heart.

Father, why would You die for the selfish sinner?

Why would You come to suffer for sins You didn't commit?

My Savior, My God, in human form.

The agony You felt, was caused by the hand humanity dealt.

You gave us free will, in freedom we turned from Your will.

We followed the path You warned us against.

We stumbled and fell by our own foolish choice.

But You picked us up without hesitation.

You desired our love and You paid the greatest price.

The Perfect Son, forsaken by God, but never forsaking us.

Incapable of perfection, I couldn't pay the price.

Unworthy of redemption, but you paid no mind.

You saw past my misconceptions,

Past my shameful indiscretions.

What did You see in me that was worth saving?

The answer: You saw nothing good, just an empty vessel.

Denied by Your children, rejected by the ones You came to save.

You entered humanity, even knowing the price.

You gave us hope and the chance for a new beginning.

You lived a perfect life to show us the perfect example.

You gave us the freedom to choose, the freedom to love.

We choose to love You. We choose follow Your will.

Father, what was the purpose of Your blood, sweat, and tears?

Love was the reason.

Love was the reason you came.

Love was the reason you died.

God, You are Love, and Love is the reason I died and now live again.

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Scripture References

          - John 11:35 "Jesus Wept"

          - Luke 22:44 "And being in agony He prayed more earnestly: and His sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." 

          - Revelation 1:5 "...Unto Him that loved us and washed us from ours sins in His own blood."

          - Romans 3:10 "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one."

          - Romans 7:18 "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwelleth no good thing..."

          - 1 John 4:8-10 "...God is love. In this was manifest the love of God toward us, because that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."

Life and Death

"I lived my life,

I died my death.

But I never lived

And I never died,

The life and death

That mattered most.

For I never

Lived in His death,

Or died to my life."

     This is a poem that was truly InspiredByGod, because I could not have come up with it on my own if I had tried. I was working on my homework, which involved writing a haiku, and I was thinking about springtime. I was thinking about winter dying out, and new life blossoming. Suddenly the phrase, "Death has died, New life is born" came to me. As I pondered that phrase, this poem came to me word for word. The Bible talks multiple times about dying to our sins and being made alive in Christ. But for someone who doesn't know Christ, they have never experienced that and don't know what it is like to die to yourself and live for Christ. They don't know what it is like when death has died and new life is born.  So this poem is, in a way, the final confession of someone who has lived and died without Christ. How will you reflect on life when all is said and done? Please, don't let this poem be your final confession. Christ died to give you new life, and when He arose from the grave, death died and eternal life became His free gift to you. Will you accept His gift of love today? Tomorrow is never promised. Today is the day of salvation.

Transparency

I want to be transparent.

I want to be real.

I'm tired of the fake smiles, masks, and charades.

Church isn't a game to be played,

And being a Christian isn't a role to be performed.

This life wasn't meant to be a stage for us to shine,

We're just running the lights and pointing them to You.

Lord, I don't want to be seen,

But invisibility is not what I'm searching for.

I have a purpose that can't be achieved if I never let them see.

I want to meet You somewhere in the middle.

Let me be transparent,

Let me be real.

Peel back the layers, and uncover my disguise.

Give me strength to let the scars show.

Help me to not be a ashamed of these broken pieces.

You brought me together and made beauty from the ashes,

You created something new and I want them to see.

I want them to want what You've given freely to me.

Let my life be an advertisement promoting Your name.

Father, when the world looks at me,

I pray they see a mirror reflection of You.

The Real Me

          Brokenness & Transparency. Before I came to Gardner-Webb, these were just words to me. But the people I've met and the things I've experienced this year have given new life and meaning to these words. This year has been a tremendous learning and growing process in my walk with Christ, and most of the lessons I've learned can be traced back to these two words. Tonight, I felt as if the lesson finally came full circle. God opened my eyes and made these words real to me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was real with God. I didn't pretend to be someone I wasn't and I didn't try to impress Him. I simply humbled myself before Him. I opened myself up to Him. I was honest with Him. I surrendered myself to Him. And as a result I felt like my prayer life was given new life. I simply had an honest conversation with God, and it was the closest I've felt to Him in a long time. I may be four years old in Christ, but I felt like I didn't take my first real steps as a Christian until tonight. There's a song by Josh Wilson that says, "I don't want to say another empty prayer." That is my prayer. There is no point in praying a "pretty" prayer to a God who knows all your dirty secrets. Those are just empty words. You can't conceal the truth from an all-knowing God. Be transparent. If you are angry, yell at Him. If you are hurt, cry to Him. If you are broken, let it show. There is so much beauty in our brokenness. God knows our true inner darkness- and He loves us anyway! This is a poem called "The Real Me" that I wrote in August 2007. It seemed relevant to the situation so I thought I would share.

No one knows the real me.

No one that is, except for me.

No one understands what I feel inside.

No one cares about the pain hold inside.

No one listens to my cries from deep within.

No one can see through my mask, to the real me which dwells within.

Wait…

Someone is calling out my name. Someone is pulling off the veil.

My prayers have been answered. The wait is over.

Now I know One who knows the real me – He loves me anyway!

Now I know One who understands what I feel inside – He listens!

Now I know One who cares about the pain I hold inside – He offers healing!

Now I know One who hears my cries from deep within – He gives me comfort!

Now I know the One who can see through my mask, to the real me that dwells within.

What is my life?

What is my life, God?

You’ve given me a vision,

But what if tomorrow never comes?

What is my vision then?

This life is nothing but a vapor in the wind, a passing breeze.

Here today, and gone tomorrow.

I look to the future with hopeful eyes,

But I don’t even know the purpose of my next breath.

Why am I here, God? What is my purpose?

When tomorrow isn’t promised there is only one way to live -

One day at a time, seizing every moment,

Capturing every memory, and enjoying every step.

We aren't here by chance or medical mystery,

Only by Grace and the mystery of Your perfect will.

What is Your will for me, God? What is my life?

I'm searching for answers amidst the chaos and confusion;

I'm searching for more of You in a world that only wants less.

My greatest desire is to be used by You and for Your glory.

I offer myself as an empty vessel, a willing sacrifice.

May I live to serve You and die to give You praise.

Your vision for me was not given in vain;

You find purpose even in the midst of our pain.

Whether or not this vision ever comes to pass,

Whether or not tomorrow ever arrives -

I will continue to run the race,

I will press on towards the prize,

And I will fight a good fight.

You've whispered Your wisdom to my heart,

And I'm seeing more clearly the plan You have prepared.

Each day holds a specific purpose,

Small pieces to a much bigger picture.

I'm finding that the journey is just as important as the final destination.
Hold my hand and guide my steps, Lord.
Lead me closer to You.

Each step is one step closer to a future that only You can see.

What is my life, God?

My life is not mine at all, but Yours alone.
My only purpose is to follow, wherever You lead.