Thursday, October 10, 2013

Retrospect

In retrospect, I see more clearly. 

I see the straight path beyond the curve.
I see the sun beyond the clouds.
I see the light just past the tunnel.
I see the lessons learned in valleys deep.
A new perspective.
A different view.
In retrospect, I see more clearly.
In retrospect, I understand.

The temporary darkness.
The momentary pain.
The highs and lows.
The twists and turns.
One day you will see where it all leads.
One day you will see where He's been leading you.
In retrospect, you'll see more clearly.
In retrospect, you'll understand.

God has never left your side.
He will never let you down.
He's been working on your behalf all along.

He is bigger than our failures.
He is better than our mistakes.
He can take the wrongs and make it right.
He can transform the bad into the good.
Even our sinfulness reveals His glory.
Even our shame brings praise to His name.
In retrospect, we'll see more clearly.
In retrospect, we'll understand.

His mercy and grace.
His love and compassion.
I recognize it better because of the struggle.
I appreciate it more because if the storm.

In retrospect, I see more clearly.
In retrospect, I understand.

Don't give up.
Don't give in.
Don't lose sight of hope.
Keep watch for what is yet to come.
Keep your faith in His trustworthy hand.
God is not done with you yet - 
Your day of retrospect is just around the bend.

                                     

Monday, October 7, 2013

Worth It All

          The end of my senior year of college is quickly approaching, and with that I’m beginning to question whether or not my degree is worth all of the money I have put into it and all of the debt I have accumulated. If you ask anyone close to me to describe me in 10 words or less, I can pretty much guarantee you one of those words will be frugal. I hate spending money on useless and trivial things, because I can think of so many better ways to spend money on things that matter. My college education is my one and only splurge, and it is a big one. I did not have to go to a private liberal arts university, but I knew the first moment I stepped foot on this campus that this is where I was supposed to be. I had enough scholarships and grants to handle most of the tuition, so I stepped out in faith God would provide the rest. The second year I lost my North Carolina need-based scholarships. The third year I lost my Federal grants. The payments have literally doubled every year I have been here. It is my senior year now, and all I have left are my academic scholarships and my loans. I do not know how it happened, but God has provided every step of the way. The problem I am seeing now is that there is not a lot you can do with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology that you can’t do with a high school diploma. In order to really get anywhere in the field of Psychology, you need a Master’s degree. All along, my plan has been to do online graduate work, get a Master’s degree in Christian Counseling, and become a licensed Counselor. Unfortunately, graduate school costs money too. I really don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it all again, and I don’t want to keep adding more debt to my debt that is already piling up. Therefore, graduate school is quickly fading from my list of options – at least for now. I’m okay with that though, because I had been questioning whether or not counseling was the right choice for me or not anyway. However, without pursuing a graduate degree, is my undergraduate degree worth it? The frugalness inside of me cringes at the thought of having wasted all of this money on a degree that will not be of much use to me in the future. Part of me wishes I had done things differently. Maybe done my general education through a community college and transferred to GWU? Maybe taken summer classes and crammed the maximum number of courses into each semester so I could have graduated early? But if I had made those decisions, how much would I have missed out on? I would have missed out on everything that made me fall in love with this school to begin with. The people I have met, the experiences I have had, and the things I have learned during my time here at Gardner-Webb have forever shaped me, forever changed me, and made me into the person I am today. I am not the same person I was when I first stepped foot on this campus nearly four years ago. Who knows what would have changed if I had done anything differently? Who knows who I would be, or where I would be right now if I had made the slightest change? God’s plan is perfect and He is in control. I received assurance of this the other night as I was reading in Mark 14:3-9 about the woman who anointed Jesus with precious perfume. The Bible says that she broke it and poured it out over Him. One of those at the table was indignant and said “Why waste such expensive perfume? It could have been sold for a year’s wages.” As the scripture continues, Jesus defends the woman’s actions and says that wherever the Good News is preached, her actions will be remembered and discussed. After reading this passage, God immediately laid a single thought on my heart: It is worth it all when we waste all we have on Jesus! Maybe I did waste a lot of money on a degree that will be of little use to me, but one thing is for sure - it was money wasted for the glory of God! At this moment in my life, I can honestly say that I am closer to Christ than I have ever been in my life. I may be in debt for the rest of my life, but one day I will reap a blessing that money cannot buy when I see my Jesus face to face - and it will be worth it all.


Break me apart and pour me out for Your Kingdom’s sake, Father. I waste all I have on You and for Your glory. You alone are worthy. You have been teaching me, and growing me, and strengthening me these last few years. You have been instilling in me all that is needed for me to be the person You created me to be. Don’t let it be in vain, Lord. Use me. I offer myself as a willing vessel for You to use and work through. Let my words and actions bring You praise and draw others closer to You. That is my desire, Lord. All I am and all I have… I waste it all on You, Lord! You are worth it all.